Tuesday, December 14, 2010

250 word story



            It was an average routine morning. I woke up at 6:00 o’clock on the dot by my father. Then, as always I drag my self out of bed and walk straight to the shower. Once I have taken a shower I am completely woken up almost like drinking a cup of coffee. Then I go back down stairs to pack my things for school then wait on the couch until 6:40 when my mother comes to tell me we are going. I get into the car and can already feel an angry vibe coming from my mom, but I just ignore it. When ever my mom gets angry she always bosses me around so she rudely demands I put my seat belt on. She hears the click and we are off. I daze off for quite some time all the way till we get to the roadery in JP right after the Franklin Park Golf cores. We are about to go around the roadery and a person in a black SUV designed to cut off my mom; bad move. My mom slams the brakes on and beeps at the person for several seconds then she speeds up and takes him on cuts him off, and gives him the death stair as I call it when we go by. But this person is even more stubborn than my mom. He cuts us off again. I tell my mom to calm down but she wont listen she tries cutting him off again and he slams into us. I am thrown from the car instantly knocked out. Next thing I knew I woke up in the hospital with my parent standing over me. And all I say is, “I told you to calm down.”      

2 comments:

  1. wow! This woman has quite a temper. Your writing is strongest when you use specific details to highlight what's happening. In some places, you seem to be summarizing the action rather than describing the moment--avoid that.

    Love the last line. How about some more dialogue? that's a good way to develop character quickly without having to include a lot more details.

    Assignment complete = 25/25

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  2. I love the ending of this story. It has a lot of action. Maybe you should try fewer details in the beginning, and more action toward the middle and end of the story.

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