I got on the step coach and took a good hard look around me to make sure there weren’t any enemies in the area. I noticed a man sitting in the back a bus. He was werin all black and real raged clothes. He gave me a little smirk that seamed to say, how pitiful. I went to put my lugged in the back near him so I could get a better look at this man. I was going to out my lugged up and my boot caught the edge of some ones seat and I went tumbling down and hit the ground hard like a man who had gotten bucked off his horse. When I hit the ground I realized a bit oh the mans calve was shown and he had the skull and cross bones branded into his skin. This is the mark of my enemy’s clan. I looked up at him and he was pointing a gun straight at my head. I yelled out, “don't shoot.” But I knew he would so swept his legs out from under him, but he shot me in the leg. I yelled but recuperated quick enough to take his gun. I didn't waste any time, I was in pain; so I shot him right in the chest and he was dead in one shot.
Pretty dramatic. It's a little hard to follow the fight in the middle of the story. You have more words you can use, so perhaps you might extend this one. I'm not totally sure of the genre. Western? the man with the skull and cross bones doesn't really seem like he belongs in a Western. Perhaps a biker Western.
ReplyDeleteI really like the description of the man tumbling when you say "hit the ground hard like a man who had gotten bucked off his horse" I can really picture that in my head... Nice story.
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